


i don't know what feels true, but you feel right so stay a sec

by endofdaysforme, TopazGotTheJuice



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Some Fluff, it's sad, like angst angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 00:53:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20957753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endofdaysforme/pseuds/endofdaysforme, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopazGotTheJuice/pseuds/TopazGotTheJuice
Summary: she takes a deep breath, her chest rising and falling, as she slowly reaches for the door handle. the handle is eerily cold, and a chill runs up her spine. she twists it and the door creaks open slowly. a bright flash of lightning strikes and a loud boom of thunder immediately follows as the door fully opens and toni sees what’s inside.a wheelchair. and sitting on top of the wheelchair-she wants to scream. she is screaming, but it’s like it’s stuck in her throat unable to push past her voicebox. she’s frozen in shock. unable to move. barely able to breathe.she most definitely was not expecting to find this.-toni's been through a lot, SEEN a lot in her short time on the northside. but finding the corpse of her girlfriend's dead twin brother in the basement of their home probably takes the cake.





	i don't know what feels true, but you feel right so stay a sec

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiii! we wrote a fic! it's sad, we're sorry (no we're not) ENJOY haha
> 
> follow us on twitter @endofdaysforme @cheryltoepaz
> 
> (TW: brief mention of suicide at the end)
> 
> Fic title from “Hostage” by Billie Eilish

toni wakes up alone.

her eyes are still closed as her body starts to wake up, a yawn escaping her regardless, but she can tell something, or rather, someone is missing.

she groans and rubs her eyes before they open, and as her eyes adjust to the light filling into the room through the curtains, she notices that she is, in fact in bed, alone.

a frown immediately takes over her features. it’s been happening a lot lately, and toni doesn’t know why. waking up together has always been their favorite part of the day. waking up to sweet kisses and being the first thing each other saw in the morning. they both lived for it. at least toni thought they did.

toni sits up and stretches her arms over her head before reaching over to their bedside table to grab her phone. she clicked the button on the side to bring it to life and check the time. it’s a little after 8:30 am and it’s a sunday, which makes toni all the more confused to be waking up alone.

toni threw the covers off her body and stood from the bed in hopes to search for her girlfriend. she walks towards the bedroom door and just as she’s about to reach for the door knob, the door opens, causing toni to nearly jump out of her body as she lets out a soft scream of surprise.

“fuck! you scared the shit out of me.“ toni clutches her heart, laughing softly as her girlfriend enters their bedroom and walks right past her, barely even acknowledging her presence. the look on her face is slightly troublesome, and toni turns around, wearing a look of confusion as cheryl walks into their walk in closet and takes her robe off to hang on the hook, exposing her nightgown underneath.

"where were you?”

"what do you mean?” cheryl asks as she walks out of their closet, once again walking past toni, and the shorter woman follows her into their en suite with her frown only deepening more by the second.

“well, i was kind of hoping to wake up in my girlfriend’s arms, but this is like the sixth morning in a row i’ve woken up alone.” toni says slowly. cheryl turns to face toni with a sigh and toni studies her face before she suddenly speaks.

“i was tending to nana rose’s garden. you know she’s getting older, t.t.”

toni knows cheryl like the back of her hand, and she knows she’s lying the second she sees the way she fidgets slightly with her words. cheryl may be able to fool everyone at school and in this town with the confidence in her voice but she can’t fool toni. she’s never been able to. and it worries toni deeply at how she was trying to fool her now.

since when did cheryl try to pull the wool over her eyes? they’re always so open and honest with each other about everything…

"cher, are you okay?” toni presses cautiously, body tense with the question.

“of course. why wouldn’t i be?” cheryl says easily with a sniff, finally looking at her properly with a small smile.

toni squints her eyes as she studies cheryl’s. she says she’s okay, but toni can feel it in her gut that she’s not. she doesn’t quite know why she’s not, or what’s going on, but she knows she’s not. however, toni doesn’t press the matter. she simply nods and accepts cheryl’s answer, even though she knows it’s not the truth, even though she knows she should push-

"i’m going to shower.” cheryl states suddenly, and toni pauses for a moment, waiting for the question that cheryl usually asks, but she doesn’t, so she takes that as her cue to leave the bathroom, her heart breaking slightly at the realization that cheryl didn’t ask her to join her.

something she always used to do.

things are changing. toni may have not noticed until recently or she may have been in denial and didn’t want to believe they were, but now she’s noticing it. something is different about cheryl, she just doesn’t know what.

she pin-pointed when things started to change. after they escaped from the farm. at first, they were each other’s rocks, clinging a little extra to each other after reuniting, after cheryl’s escape from the farm’s clutches.

but as their summer has passed by and they’ve started their senior year of high school, toni’s noticed that cheryl has been drifting away, and it’s never been more evident than now.

-

monday morning comes.

toni wakes up alone once again.

she trails behind cheryl now as they walk through the hallways of riverdale high. the redhead had an extra pep in her step this morning and even now, but toni can’t stop looking at the back of her head with nothing but concern in her eyes. something’s off about cheryl. she can feel it. she’s the only person who’s ever been able to see right through her facade and right now she sees right through her. her girl is not okay. she’s fronting again.

they walk into the student lounge where they know everyone is sure to be and toni comes to a stop as soon as cheryl does, the redhead clearing her throat with a wide grin.

“attention chums and fellow classmates! this friday ma cherie and i will be hosting a halloween party at thistlehouse! costumes are required. this epic event is invite only, so if you do not receive an invite from me or my t.t, don’t show up.” cheryl says firmly, and toni raises an eyebrow of amusement at her, to which she clears her throat again and mutters a sweet ‘that’s all, thank you!’

toni sighs and walks over to the couch as cheryl starts handing out invitations with that grin still etched on her face. toni plops down on the couch next to betty with a huff, still watching cheryl with concern as the blonde furrows her brows and looks to toni questioningly.

“everything okay?”

“i…don’t know.” toni sighs, looking over at her girlfriend, who is still smiling as she passes out invitations for their halloween party. “i just have this feeling that something’s wrong with cheryl.”

"she seems fine to me.” betty shrugs, and toni almost scoffs in disbelief.

“you don’t know her like i do. she seems fine on the outside but something’s wrong. i can see it deep in her eyes. she’s drifting away and i just- i don’t know why.” toni whispers, fear gripping her before she can help it as betty frowns again beside her.

"well you both did have a pretty traumatic junior year. we all did. i mean everything that happened with the farm…maybe she’s still dealing with the aftermath. especially after what edgar did to jason.” betty says in a soft voice, perhaps remembering her own trauma at the hands of the farm.

toni nods as she looks over at her girlfriend, who just reaches veronica and archie and hands them an invitation with a flourish of her hand. she knows they both have been through a lot. but she also knows how much cheryl loves jason. she remembers how she almost chose him over her before toni joined the farm. and now that she’s lost him again, she knows it’s probably the reason cheryl is drifting away.

but she hasn’t said anything about it. she just keeps pretending to be fine. cheryl completely broke down her walls after their second conversation. for her to all of a sudden put them up with her, it has her in a constant state of anxiousness. there’s never been anything that cheryl couldn’t tell her. and there’s never been anything that drove toni away. toni didn’t even blink twice when she found out she sent josie a pig’s heart.

but now, toni knows cheryl is hiding something from her. whether it’s something she’s feeling or more, she knows she’s hiding something. and the fact that she won’t talk to her about it, even after toni has asked if she was okay, makes toni very afraid.

“maybe just talk to her about it! you and cheryl can talk about anything, right?” betty says simply with an encouraging smile.

and toni does her best to smile back as she watches cheryl laugh at something veronica says, worry gripping her even more at the fakeness of it.

“yeah…we sure can.”

-

“t.t, can you pass me that piece of string?”

toni bends down, rifling through the box of halloween decorations before she finds the orange piece of string and holds it up for cheryl to take, the redhead perched on top of a ladder with her tongue caught between her teeth in concentration.

“really going all out, huh, cher?” toni says with a grin, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms over her chest as cheryl smiles down at her and tapes the orange piece of string to the wall with a sigh.

“but of course, ma cherie! this is the first party of the new school year, we need to make sure it is one to last the ages!” she says simply. toni rolls her eyes, but smiles endearingly all the same as cheryl frowns and glances down at the box in front of toni with a shake of her head.

“hmm…not enough. there’s another box of decorations in the basement, t.t. would you mind?” she asked sheepishly. toni rolls her eyes yet again, but chuckles as she steps up the other side of the ladder, pressing a sweet kiss to cheryl’s lips before she climbs back down.

“be right back.” she mumbles. cheryl hums happily, watching toni go with a grin as the pink haired girl makes her way out of the room and down the stairs into the basement.

cheryl’s been a lot less suspicious this week, too busy planning the party, and toni’s been helping her so much, she hasn’t had much time to think about the issues clearly hiding beneath their relationship right now. but toni’s still spent almost every morning this week waking up alone, and it’s still a thought nagging in the back of her mind. she knows betty’s right, that she should probably just talk to cheryl, but she seems so happy planning this party, she doesn’t want to ruin that right now.

so instead, toni grits her teeth and makes her way towards the basement door, but she finds herself coming to a stop in front of it with a frown when she sees the silver lock over the handle.

“uh…cher?! the door is locked, how am i meant to get in?!” toni calls out loudly with a chuckle, reaching for the lock and tugging in it fruitlessly before she hears the sound of rushing footsteps-

“NOT THAT DOOR!”

toni almost jumps out of her skin with a yelp, spinning around with a racing heart as cheryl comes crashing down the stairs with wide eyes and panic written all over her face.

“jesus, cher-.”

“just…not that door, toni!” cheryl says frantically, practically grabbing her hand and pulling her away from it as toni glances back at it with a frown of confusion.

“cher-.”

“the second door, it’s just down the hallway, the decorations are there!” cheryl says almost in frustration, her face beet red from anger or embarrassment or fear, toni has no idea, but she’s being dragged down the hallway almost like she’s a naughty child that’s done something wrong as she tugs slightly on cheryl’s hand to bring her to a stop.

“cheryl, what’s behind that door?” toni says anxiously, looking back at it before she feels soft fingers grip her chin to turn her gaze.

“n-nothing, it’s j-just…just nana rose’s old stuff! vintage, stuff from her younger years, she hates anyone c-coming near it, so just stay clear of that door, okay?” cheryl says breathily, rubbing her thumb over the apple of toni’s cheekbone with a shaky smile that doesn’t at all meet the panic in her eyes. toni stares at her dumbfoundedly, still not understanding her reaction-

“i…okay, yeah, but why were you so-.”

“come on, we’ll get those decorations!” cheryl says suddenly with a pep in her step, her emotions changing with the snap of two fingers as she tugs on toni’s hand again and opens the second basement door.

“cheryl-.”

“we don’t have much time, t.t! there’s only a couple more hours left before the party starts and we still have to get ready! no time to dawdle!”

-

toni’s still in a daze, isn’t even sure if her makeup looks the way it should as she finishes off the heart on her cheek with a deep sigh, adjusting her black and red pigtailed wig over her head with a frown and pursing her black lipstick covered lips.

she doesn’t understand cheryl’s reaction to that goddamn door. toni had barely even touched it, and cheryl was acting as if toni had just stolen something or hurt someone. it doesn’t make any sense…something was behind that door, and toni can’t help but wonder what.

what would cause cheryl to become so frantic? it can’t be what she said, it’s a lie, toni knows it is. nana rose’s old stuff? toni’s seen some of it in that old woman’s own room, why the hell would she have another room in the basement dedicated to it as well? and nana rose doesn’t exactly seem like the type to lose her mind over someone fiddling with her things…

is there some kind of blossom family secret hidden in there that she doesn’t want toni to know about? cheryl’s told her all about her family and their past, maybe she’s discovered something new? but why wouldn’t she want to talk to toni about it? they talk to each other about everything-

“you ready, t.t?”

toni looks up in the mirror-

and her jaw drops.

cheryl steps out of the bathroom, and toni finds herself spinning around so fast, her neck explodes with pain, but she couldn’t care less. because cheryl is wearing a green corset dress covered in leaves and plant life, every curve accentuated and her red hair curled to perfection, green lipstick covering her lips, and holy fuck-

“oh…my god…” toni breathes in complete and utter awe, lust pounding through her and almost all of her worries washed from her mind at the sight of her stunning girlfriend looking so…mouthwatering, fuck-

“mmm, i’m glad you like it, oh harley quinn of mine…” cheryl murmurs, stalking her way towards toni with a smirk as the girl licks her lips and pushes herself up off the stool in front of the vanity with a chuckle.

“you look fucking amazing, cher.” toni breathes, reaching her hands out desperately, causing cheryl to laugh softly as she takes in toni as well with a warm smile, eyes blazing with lust just the same.

“as do you, t.t. my perfect girl…” she whispers, arms wrapping around toni’s shoulders just as she grips cheryl’s waist to pull her closer. cheryl presses a chaste kiss to her lips and pulls back, forehead resting against toni’s as they both simply take the moment to breathe each other.

and a moment is all toni needs for all those thoughts to come flooding back, licking her lips as she squeezes cheryl’s hips with a heavy sigh.

“everything okay?” cheryl whispers with a frown, pulling back and tucking a finger under toni’s chin to lift her gaze.

“i…” toni trails off, hesitation pounding through her, and she comes to a quick conclusion as she stares into her girlfriend’s brown eyes.

that she doesn’t want to ruin tonight, no matter what. but…

“you know you can talk to me about anything, right, baby?” toni says softly. cheryl purses her lips, and there’s just a flicker…a goddamn flicker of something in her eyes that toni can’t quite pinpoint before it’s gone just as quickly as it came.

“of course, t.t. i know that.” cheryl says matter-of-factly. toni smiles at her lack of hesitation before she nods.

“good, so…is there anything that you want to talk about?” she presses slightly. cheryl frowns, clearly in thought before she shrugs and shakes her head.

“mmm…no? everything’s fine.” she says simply once again. perhaps too simply, prompting toni to sigh before she steps just a little closer and presses a gentle kiss to cheryl’s jawline.

“cher, i just don’t want there to be any tension, and if something’s bothering you-.”

“i can assure you, toni, nothing’s bothering me. everything’s fine, i promise.” cheryl reassures her, adjusting her wig slightly and pressing a kiss to her brow before toni sighs against her, now kissing her pulse point and pulling back to look into her eyes.

she can’t read them. for once in her goddamn life…she has no idea what’s going on behind those eyes.

“okay…okay, but if there is something-.”

“you are the first and only person i’d talk to about it. i love you, toni.” cheryl says with a smile, and God, at those three simple words, toni feels her heart completely and utterly melt.

“i love you, too.” she says with no hesitation and no regret. cheryl smiles, grips toni’s face in her hands and kisses her lips softly before she pulls away slowly-

and taps the tip of toni’s nose with her finger.

“good…now, let’s have some fun, shall we?”

-

the party is in full swing. nearly the entire senior class, and a few underclassmen who were either jocks or vixens, were present. due to the torrential downpour outside, everyone is cramped inside the house. but no matter the conditions, it’s fun regardless.

and everyone present abided by cheryl’s strict costumes required rule, although some people hardly tried with their costumes. like jughead and betty, who came dressed as danny and sandy from the iconic musical grease. betty looked great in her black leather, and curly hair. but jughead was basically wearing the same thing he wears everyday, jeans, black chucks and his serpent jacket. the only thing missing, thank God, was his beanie.

but everyone else had very creative and fun costumes. archie and veronica came dressed as spiderman and mary jane. reggie was hugh hefner, and had some junior vixen dressed as a bunny as his date. kevin was dressed as a scarecrow. but of course, no one could compete with cheryl and toni’s immaculate take on poison ivy and harley quinn.

the party is going great. the music vibrates through the entire house. no one is shit face drunk, everyone is dancing, even in the cramped space. finally, the teenagers of this cursed town were able to have a fun, carefree night. all except toni, who can’t stop thinking about that damn door.

why was it locked? why did cheryl freak out when toni asked about it? why would cheryl be so frantic if it was just her nana’s old stuff? what was really behind that door?

toni wants to believe her. she wants to just let it go and have some much deserved fun. but she just can’t get the image of the pure panic in cheryl’s eyes out of her head. if cheryl had been breezy about it toni wouldn’t be overthinking it so much. but the fact that cheryl basically dragged her away from that door like a child, toni can’t help but overthink.

she’s leaning against the wall, nursing her drink, barely paying any attention to the party, the loud music basically becoming white noise to her as she got lost in her own thoughts. she finally snaps back to reality when she notices her girlfriend sauntering towards her with a soft smile on her face.

"t.t., you’ve been standing here all night. come dance with me.” cheryl says softly, poking her lips out in a slight pout. she reaches for both of toni’s hands and swings them side to side. toni can’t help but crack a smile as the redhead drags her to the crowded dance floor in the middle of their living room.

cheryl throws toni’s arms around her own neck and places her own hands on toni’s waist, sliding them around to her lower back, as they dance against each other to the upbeat song that blasts through the sound system.

staring into her favorite pair of chocolate eyes, toni’s finally able to stop thinking and just enjoy the moment. she doesn’t know how long it will last but she doesn’t care, she just wants to enjoy this moment now for what it is.

cheryl reaches for toni’s wrists and spins her around with a laugh until toni’s back is pressed into her chest. she places her hands on her waist and toni genuinely smiles as they dance against each other, the both of them getting lost in the music.

they dance through four songs, that damn door momentarily forgotten as toni just reveled in the feeling of cheryl’s body against hers. a moment toni feels like they haven’t had in a while. her head tilts back almost on its own with a breathy gasp the second she feels cheryl’s lips on her jaw, eyes fluttering shut as she forgets, just for a moment, about how things have changed over the last few months. she forgets about the walls cheryl has put back up. she forgets about the near panic attack cheryl had in the basement just over an hour so. she forgets about everything and just basks in the feeling of cheryl’s arms around her waist, holding her close, and feeling of her lips against her skin…

until they suddenly stop dancing, the both of them panting for air, desperately in need of a break.

they maneuver their way through the many gyrating bodies until they reach the less crowded hallway.

“drinks?” cheryl breathes out as she wipes the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. toni nods as she fans herself with her hand and cheryl winks at her before disappearing into the kitchen.

and toni wishes she went with her not a second later, because the second she’s gone, toni’s mind drifts right back to that damn door.

“fuck.” she mutters to herself as she slams her back against the wall. she adjusts the wig on her head as a drop of sweat drips into her eyebrow.

“everything okay?” a voice to her right says, causing her to jump slightly as betty cooper approaches her.

“yeah,” toni answers hesitantly and completely untruthfully, but she finds her resolve breaking almost immediately under the watchful gaze of betty cooper as the blonde raises an eyebrow in disbelief.

“okay, no.”

"what’s going on?” betty asks with concern as toni turns to face her.

toni scratches the back of her neck and bites down on her bottom lip nervously before leaning in closer to betty.

"okay, you know how i was telling you about cheryl and how she’s been acting… weird?”

betty nods, her eyebrows tilted up in concern, and toni hesitates once again before she ploughs on, because she needs to tell someone, she needs to…

"well earlier today when we were setting up for the party, she asked me to go downstairs to get some decorations from the basement. and when i got down there, there was a door that had a lock on it. so i yelled up to her that it was locked and she ran down like the flash and freaked out on me. and her eyes were wide with panic and she nearly ripped my arm off, pulling me away from the door.” toni says firmly, watching as betty’s frown only deepens with every word she says.

"did she say what was in there?” betty asks in a low voice.

"she just said it was her nana’s old stuff, but why would she react that way if that’s all it was?” toni whispers back, worry gripping her tightly when she sees the way betty is looking at her.

like she’s just as concerned as toni is.

"have you asked her about it? about why she acted so frantically?”

"not directly, but i’ve given her multiple chances to talk to me. i’ve opened the metaphorical door wide open and she just… keeps lying to me. why is she doing this? she’s never put up walls with me before.” toni’s voice is low, and she’s not even sure if betty heard her over the music, her face etched with sadness and worry before the blonde purses her lips and nods.

“maybe…you should check it out.” she says sheepishly. toni raises an eyebrow.

“what do you mean?”

“you know how to pick a lock?” betty asks firmly.

“yeeeeeah…” toni drags out, raising her eyebrow in question, but already having an idea of where betty is going with this.

“maybe you should see what’s behind there for yourself. and what better opportunity to sneak away than in a house full of a hundred kids.” betty says it so fucking simply, but the very thought has toni’s heart racing.

go behind cheryl’s back? do something she very clearly didn’t want toni to do? toni didn’t want to give her any reason to hate her or be mad at her, but God, that door has been eating away at her mind the entire goddamn day…

“i- i don’t know betty-”

“toni. you said you’ve asked her about it, multiple times, and she hasn’t said anything about it. and you said she’s keeping something from you, maybe you should just go and find out for yourself.”

toni looks at betty uneasily. part of her wants to give cheryl time to tell her on her own, but the other part of her needs to know what cheryl is keeping from her now. it’s been eating her alive. cheryl has been acting weird for months, and after her reaction this afternoon, toni has a strong feeling it has to do with whatever is behind that door.

toni sees a flash of red hair in her peripheral vision and her eyes go wide in slight panic as she notices cheryl making her way back through the crowd with two orange solo cups in her hands. betty follows her line of sight and leans in closer to toni quickly.

“look, i’ll distract cheryl, don’t worry.” betty rushes out just as cheryl reaches them. she extends the orange cup to toni, who accepts it with tight lipped smile.

“so, what are we hens gossiping about?” cheryl asks as she wraps her arm around toni’s shoulder. toni buys herself some time to come up with a quick lie by taking a sip of her drink, but betty comes swooping in to save the day, naturally.

“just school stuff.” betty says with a smile. cheryl nods and takes a sip of her own drink, and betty takes the opportunity to give toni a pointed look as she nods her head backwards towards the stairs that lead to the basement.

it’s now or never.

“uh, i uh- need to use the restroom. i’ll be right back.” toni rasps out shakily, but cheryl doesn’t catch the nervousness in her voice as she just responds with an ‘okay’ and a quick kiss to the corner of her mouth.

toni walks away from the two cousins, taking a quick glance back to see that betty has already entrapped cheryl in a conversation. she walks down the hallway, and instead of turning right towards the bathroom she makes a quick left toward the basement door.

when she reaches the door she takes a quick look around her cautiously at all the party goers. everyone is preoccupied, either dancing or talking and drinking. no one is paying attention to her, so she opens the basement door just wide enough to allow her to swiftly slip inside before she closes it shut behind her quietly.

she turns on the very dim hallway light as she descends the staircase, creaking with each step. the music becomes muffled, but she could still feel the heavy bass against the wall. when her foot hits the basement floor, she flinches instinctively, her shoulders tensing when she sees lightning flash through the small window close to the ceiling, the basement not fully underground. the rain picks up suddenly, pelting hard against the house but it still isn’t as hard as toni’s heart rate right now.

before today it was just a regular basement, but now, it feels eerie, and cold. very cold.

she draws in a shaky breath and releases it just as shakily when she reaches the door. she tugs at the lock before dropping down to her knees. she pulls a bobby pin out of her wig and lifts the lock up to shove the bobby pin inside the bottom of it.

as she fiddles with the lock, jamming and twisting the bobby pin around, she has no idea what to expect when she finally gets this door open. she just keeps telling herself that whatever it is, they’ll be okay. they have to be. she and cheryl will get through it.

the thunder rolls over as the music continues to shake the house. but all she can hear is her heart beating in her chest. her eyebrows are tilted down in concentration as she continues to move the bobby pin inside the lock. finally, she hears it click and her breath hitches. she removes the lock from the door and stands up, her stomach churning with nerves, and her heart thumping out of her chest.

they’ll be fine, whatever it is…

she takes a deep breath, her chest rising and falling, as she slowly reaches for the door handle. the handle is eerily cold, and a chill runs up her spine. she twists it and the door creaks open slowly. a bright flash of lightning strikes and a loud boom of thunder immediately follows as the door fully opens and toni sees what’s inside.

a wheelchair. and sitting on top of the wheelchair-

she wants to scream. she is screaming, but it’s like it’s stuck in her throat unable to push past her voicebox. she’s frozen in shock. unable to move. barely able to breathe.

she most definitely was not expecting to find this.

-

“so, the twins are with nana rose’s carer today?” betty asks with a sheepish smile, and cheryl simply nods once, fingers moving around the rim of the cup in her hands.

“yes, she offered to take care of them while we have a night off!” she says cheerily.

“yeah, that’s nice of her to do…and these decorations are amazing, cheryl.” betty says as she looks around, admiring the decorations around the house, which now that she’s actually looking properly she has to admit, are in fact, really amazing.

she’s been distracting cheryl for the past five or six minutes, talking about anything she could think of until toni came back.

“thanks, this is my second favorite holiday behind Christmas of course.” cheryl says cheerfully, but betty can see her glancing around the corner of her eye as if she too, is waiting for toni to return.

“this is really extravagant. and a lot. where do you even store all this stuff?” betty asks nonchalantly, curiosity getting the better of her.

“in my basement of course, along with the Christmas decorations.” cheryl says with a shrug. betty clears her throat and glances down at her cup with a nod.

“wow i didn’t even know this place had a basement.”

cheryl just nods with a tight lipped smile and a ‘yep’, seemingly uninterested in this conversation as she looks around for toni once more. she looks like she’s about to walk away, but toni isn’t back yet-

“so-” cheryl went to take a step but betty steps to the side, blocking her path with a racing heart and a nervous chuckle.

“you know when i was a kid i used to be afraid of my basement! i always thought there were monsters or ghosts or something else scary down there.” betty says quickly, and cheryl nods at her again, with a fake smile, the frustration clear as day in her eyes.

“fascinating story cousin, but if you’ll excuse me, i have to find toni-” cheryl went to take another step but betty once again blocks her path frantically.

“so uh, what- what else do you store in your basement?” betty tries her hardest not to be obvious, but she’s panicking, and she mentally curses herself when cheryl squints her eyes at her suspiciously.

“why do you keep asking about my basement-”

and then it hits her. her eyes go wide as she frantically looks around the room. toni’s nowhere to be seen and she’s been gone for a while. and betty’s obviously trying to distract her and keeps asking about her basement-

_oh God, oh God-_

her heart rate picks up in a panic as it hits her that she knows exactly where toni is.

“cheryl-.” betty starts, but cheryl brushes past her shoulder, ignoring her name being called as she pushes past her classmates, blocking her path to the basement door.

“out of my way you troglodytes!” she barks, throwing people aside as she marches down the stairs with tears in her eyes and her heart racing.

please, please, please, toni can’t be down here, she can’t be-

“toni!?” cheryl reaches the last step, looks to the locked door-

and finds it open.

she lets out a whimper of panic before she can stop herself, swallowing thickly as her tears fall almost immediately. she steps forward slowly, cautiously, praying to every goddamn god she knows that it’s not toni she’ll find in that room…

“toni?” cheryl pushes the door open slowly, and the second she sees the back of that black and red wig, her entire world crumbles.

her knees buckle, her heart clenches, and toni topaz stands perfectly still, staring at the corpse of jason blossom sitting in that wheelchair, not moving, like she’s frozen in time, barely breathing as well from what cheryl can see…

“toni…i c-can explain…i c-can explain, p-please…” cheryl breathes, stepping closer, watching as toni continues to stare at jason’s body before cheryl slowly approaches her. and the look on toni’s face makes her almost throw up from panic and fear.

she looks like she’s five seconds away from running out of this place, and cheryl doesn’t blame her.

“i t-told you not to come in here, t.t, i told you n-not to, why…why d-did you come in, you wouldn’t have s-seen any of this if you had just n-not come in, i…you don’t understand, b-but you have to let me explain, p-please-.”

she’s rambling, she knows she is, but fuck, she’s so scared right now, and toni still hasn’t taken her fucking eyes off jason as cheryl reaches out to grip her hand-

and toni flinches away from her touch, stepping back slightly with a whimper as her eyes finally fall on cheryl.

they’re so full of fear, of terror and anguish and cheryl feels the little fissures in her heart form and break into little pieces as she bites down on her trembling bottom lip with a shake of her head.

“t.t…you know i’d never hurt you.”

she’s scared of cheryl…she’s scared of her, toni is fucking scared of her, and the very thought makes her want to scream and cry and-

“jason…” toni breathes, her eyes falling back onto the dead body of cheryl’s twin brother as the redhead whimpers and shakes her head, stepping closer once again.

“toni, please…l-let me explain-.”

toni takes a step back.

and another.

and another.

“w-wait-.”

she runs out of the door at top speed, runs away from cheryl, and cheryl finds it building and building until-

“TONI, WAIT, PLEASE COME BACK, PLEASE!”

she tries to run towards the door, but her legs won’t fucking carry her, tries to get to the door to get to her goddamn girlfriend, but her whole body is frozen and trembling.

she turns, faces the body before her with nothing but panic consuming her as it slowly dawns on her what toni has just found.

the dead body of her girlfriend’s twin brother in the fucking basement of the home they lived in.

why? fuck, why couldn’t she just let him go, why couldn’t she just let it all go-

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!”

and with the rage worthy of the villainous poison ivy, cheryl blossom grabs the nearest box and lifts it into her arms, regardless of weight, regardless of anything, throwing it in the direction of jason’s lifeless body with a scream of rage that she can’t even begin to contain.

all his fault, all his fault…why couldn’t she just let him go…

_oh god…toni…_

-

when toni reaches the main floor of the home she slams the door behind her and collapses back into the door. her breathing is rapid and she can’t calm it. the loud music sounds muffled in her ears like she’s underwater. she stumbles her way through the party goers, her eyes unfocused, seeing double.

she flinches and her breath hitches every time someone bumps into her. her chest is tight and it’s becoming harder to breathe. she feels faint, and when she runs into the back of one of her classmates, she nearly does faint when when they turn around and she sees his zombie face makeup.

“you okay there, topaz?” the boy asks with a slanted smile. but toni doesn’t respond, his makeup haunting toni more than it would normally. she shakes her head, mumbling no, her eyes full of nothing but fear as she backs away from him only to bump into someone else.

she flinches and yelps as she turns around to archie, who is gripping her shoulders, his eyebrows creased in concern.

“hey toni. you okay? you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“i- i-” toni tries to speak, but no words come out, bile rising in her throat.

“maybe you should sit down.” archie suggests. but toni shakes her head, her chest getting tighter and the bile rising even higher. she suddenly feels very lightheaded and the room starts spinning.

“hey, what’s going on?”

“is she okay?”

“toni?”

there are three more bodies standing in front of her but toni can’t make out who they are. all she can focus on is the bile rising higher and higher until she can’t hold it down anymore.

she doubles over and empties the contents of her stomach onto the floor, many ‘ohs’ erupting from the crowd around her. after throwing up all the contents in her stomach, she stands back up and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, now realizing she’s standing in front of the core four, all of them wearing the same look of concern and confusion.

“are you okay?” betty asks softly.

toni shakes her head as her breathing starts to pick up again.

“i want everyone out.”

“toni what happened-”

“EVERYONE OUT!” toni explodes before betty can even finish her question. she’s panting again and she feels like she’s seconds away from throwing up again.

“you heard her! out!” archie yells, and he and jughead begin escorting people out of the house as veronica runs to turn the music off.

“toni, what’s going on?” betty tries again. she reaches her hand out, aiming for her arm to help console her, but before she can reach her, toni flinches and backs away from her with a sharp intake of breath.

“i- ja- i- i can’t-” toni feels the panic rising in her once more. the longer she stays in this house, the more the image of jason’s corpse haunts her. an image she already fears will never leave her mind. it feels like the walls are closing in on her and she finds it harder and harder to breathe.

“i can’t.” toni murmurs one last time before turning on her heels and running straight for the front door, pushing past the remaining student leaving. she hears at least three people call after her as she runs into the rain, but she can’t stop running. she needs to get as far away from this house as possible.

she doesn’t even know where she’s going, can hardly even see through the heavy rain shower. but she just keeps running. she runs as fast as she can, images of jason’s dead body sitting in a wheelchair flashing through her mind.

it all makes sense now. why cheryl has been so distant. why she’s been waking up alone every morning. why she freaked out when toni went looking for decorations. why she’d been lying to her. she had been hiding her dead brother’s body in their basement, doing God knows what with him.

_oh fuck oh fuck-_

toni knows that edgar had robbed jason from his grave, but the farm had been shut down for months, since before summer started. which means he’s been down there this whole time.

_oh fuck-_

the realization makes toni run even harder, if that were even possible.

she runs as hard and as fast as she can until she literally can’t anymore. her chest burns as she collapses on the wet gravel. she coughs and wheezes as she tries to catch her breath.

she notices the red neon lights reflecting in the puddle in front of her and she looks up at the ever glowing lights of pop’s chock’lit shoppe.

she uses all her strength to push herself up onto her feet, her breathing still heavy due to the fucking miles she had just ran. she trudges her way to the front door of the once 24 hour restaurant, the shoppe now closing at midnight every night (with the exception of la bonne nuit) after all the tragedies that have happened there in the past two years.

she climbs the stairs leading up to the front door and bent down to lift the fake plant where she knew veronica left the spare key. she unlocks the door and steps inside the dark diner, the water dripping off of her, down onto the floor, a tiny puddle forming under her feet. she locks the door behind her and walks to the back towards the speakeasy entrance, her feet squishing with every step.

as she descends the staircase down into la bonne nuit, she felt her phone, that she forgot was even in her back pocket, start vibrating. she pulls it out of her pocket and tears immediately spring to her eyes as text after text appears on her lock screen.

**cher<3**  
toni, where did you go?

**cher<3**  
betty said you ran out, but your bike is still here.

**cher<3**  
did you run out in the rain?

**cher<3**  
please come home. we need to talk.

**cher<3**  
toni, i can explain just please come home.

**cher<3**  
please don’t ignore me.

**cher<3**  
at least let me know you’re safe.

**cher<3**  
TONI

**cher<3**  
DON’T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS

**cher<3**  
i love you baby, please just answer me…

toni turns her phone off. she can’t talk to cheryl right now. she just can’t. the more she thinks about cheryl, the more she thinks about jason. she’s utterly mortified. she knew cheryl has been keeping something from her for awhile, but she never in her life expected to find a taxidermied, full dressed, corpse of jason blossom sitting in her basement.

the thought makes her sick, and she can’t get the image of him out of her head.

she rounds the bar and grabs the first bottle she sees.

fireball. perfect.

she screws the cap off and tosses it behind her as she lifts the bottle up to her lips. she takes two big gulps and scrunches her face as the dark, cinnamon drink burns her throat.

she rips her drenched wig off of her head and throws it on the floor before putting the bottle back up to her lips. as the liquid warms her body, she feels a cold chill shake through her. as the cold chill shakes through her, it reminds her how cold the basement felt. as she remembers the basement, another image of jason flashes through her mind. and every time the image of jason flashes through her mind, she drinks.

and this happens over and over, every time she pictures jason, she takes another gulp, until she can’t even taste the fireball anymore.

she has no idea how long she’s been drinking, but she collapses onto the floor on her side, still gripping the almost empty bottle in her fingers. her body feels like she’s in a whirlpool. her sight becomes really fuzzy and blurry until everything goes black.

-

it’s been two days.

toni feels like she’s losing her mind.

she hasn’t gone to school, hasn’t turned her phone back on, and fuck, she knows cheryl and probably everyone else is going crazy wondering where she is but she can’t bring herself to turn her phone back on and let them know she’s okay.

because truth is, she’s not.

she can’t sleep, can’t think, can’t breathe, even. all she seems capable of doing is seeing the dead face of jason blossom over and over again, the look in cheryl’s eyes, almost crazed as she tried to explain her madness to her girlfriend.

cheryl’s not okay. not mentally, not physically, she’s just…god, toni needs to help her, but how is she meant to fucking do that when right now all she can do is sit here and drink her anguish away?

she barely even registers the sound of clicking heels until they’re about three steps away, and she looks up through blurred vision, eyes wet with tears as veronica lodge steps around the bar and looks down at her with wide eyes filled with shock.

“antoinette topaz! do you know how worried we’ve all been!? where is cheryl?! you two haven’t been using my goddamn speakeasy as a romantic getaway again have you?!” veronica demands, kicking her heeled foot against toni’s thigh and watching it collapse uselessly as toni groans and slumps against the counter with ragged breaths. veronica frowns before her eyes land on the empty bottle of fireball beside her friend.

“toni, are you drunk?” she asks in disbelief, watching as toni draws her knees up to her chest with an even louder groan and a shake of her head.

“no, m’not drunk.” toni slurs out, and veronica huffs before she grabs the empty bottle and throws it into the trash. harsh fingers grip her chin, and toni whines as her head is lifted to veronica’s gaze, the girl observing her before her eyes grow wide with concern.

“yes you are. what happened? we’ve been trying to get through to you since the party, god…did you and cheryl break up?” veronica asks softly, voice laced with worry as toni’s bottom lip trembles.

“no…not yet.” toni barely manages to get out in a whisper.

“yet?” veronica whispers back, sighing as she finally lets go of toni’s chin and drops down beside her, reaching an arm out to wrap around her shoulders and pull her into her embrace.

and toni finds herself crying, tears of complete anguish racing down her cheeks as broken down sobs escape her chest while veronica rubs her shoulder with a soft coo, tanned fingers tangling into toni’s pink hair to pull them back from her face.

“toni, what’s going on? talk to me, why weren’t you or cheryl at school today? did you have a fight?”

_wait…cheryl wasn’t at school?_

well, yes, toni supposes…she’s probably home, just as defeated and broken as toni is right now.

“hey…” her chin is gripped once more, lifted until she’s looking into veronica lodge’s smiling face, and for a brief, momentary lapse in judgement, toni finds herself wondering what it would be like to date someone normal like veronica lodge. someone who didn’t have their dead twin brother’s body hiding in the basement of the goddamn house she lived in…someone who wasn’t so impulsive or dangerous or mentally unstable.

but then she remembers that veronica has a mobster father that got her boyfriend thrown into juvie, comes to a heartbreaking realization that no one in this fucking town is normal…and finds her heart breaking at the fact that she’s even thinking about any of this in the first place.

because fuck, cheryl blossom may be all those things, but toni fucking topaz loves her regardless of it. because cheryl blossom is her world, is her family, and toni topaz is nobody without cheryl blossom by her side.

“toni?” veronica whispers, pain over seeing her friend in just as much pain clear as day in her eyes as toni sniffs once and shakes her head.

“i c-can’t talk about it, ronnie. i just c-can’t-.”

“shh, it’s okay…is it something to do with cheryl?” veronica asks instead, brushing away the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand as toni simply nods in response.

and to her surprise, veronica smiles before she leans in to press a gentle kiss to toni’s brow.

“then you’ll get through it. because you, toni topaz, are cheryl blossom’s soulmate. and if you two can make it through crazy nuns chasing you down a hallway and kidnapping ex serpents and god, crazy cult people brainwashing you, then you can get through anything.”

soulmate…they’re soulmates.

_fuck this._

“i…thank you, ronnie.”

“mmm, you’re welcome. you know choni is my favorite endgame power couple, i won’t watch you two fall apart without fighting you every step of the way! now go talk to your girl!”

-

looking up at the harrowing manor of thistlehouse has toni’s chest restricting and her heart racing, but regardless, she swallows down her fear and makes her way to the front door, fighting the instinct to run with every step she takes.

_it’s just cheryl…it’s just cheryl, she’s your girlfriend, the love of your life, she won’t hurt you…_

but won’t she? toni doesn’t know, the love cheryl has for her twin brother, dead or not, is something toni knows she can’t touch even if she wanted to. can toni even get through to her enough to tell her that…that, fuck, keeping his body in the fucking basement is not okay? is not normal?

how can she convince cheryl that she needs help without making it sound like she thinks cheryl is crazy? because fuck, that’s the last thing toni thinks right now, cheryl isn’t crazy, she’s mourning, toni understands it, of course she does, but this…

“cheryl?” she calls out softly as soon as she walks through the front door, that fear front and center, making her tremble as she swallows down the lump in her throat and slowly steps into the main foyer.

“cheryl, it’s me!” she calls out a little louder, glancing around before she hears footsteps behind her-

“you came back.”

toni stops short, her heart falling down to the floor and her eyes closing as tears immediately well in them at the sound of just how fucking small cheryl’s voice sounds right now…

and it’s all her fault.

but fuck, she can’t possibly feel guilty about this? yes, maybe part of her should but there was a fucking dead body in the fucking basement, how else was she supposed to react?!

she hears those footsteps come to a stop behind her, and toni takes a deep breath in before she slowly turns, and all her resolve just melts away.

cheryl’s face is red, eyes bloodshot, swollen and puffy, like she hasn’t stopped crying for the last two days, and toni’s quite sure that’s the case, because cheryl’s shaking like a leaf caught in the wind as she steps a little closer while toni tries her best to sink her feet into the fucking ground so she doesn’t step back and upset her.

“of course i did.” toni breathes back.

cheryl doesn’t smile. doesn’t laugh. doesn’t do anything. just shuffles her feet and gazes down at them, plays with the sleeves of her long shirt like a child that’s been caught doing something wrong as toni tries to come up with something to say, and god, it’s silent for so fucking long, and all toni can come up with is-

“why?” she chokes out, tears finally spilling over as cheryl lets out a whimper and looks up at her with tear filled eyes as well, bottom lip trembling, eyes blinking rapidly in what toni suspects is pain from just so many tears that have already been shed as she draws in a rattling breath and purses her lips before she shakes her head.

“i…don’t know.” she croaks out. toni licks her lips, the taste of tears on her tongue as she tries to come to terms with everything that’s happening right now.

_…is his body still down there?_

_please don’t think of that…_

she has to know.

“is he…” she trails off, can’t even get the words out, and the way cheryl’s gaze drops down to her feet once more with a whimper tells toni all she needs to know, her shoulders slumping in defeat as panic courses through her veins.

“why didn’t you tell me?” toni whispers, stepping closer, her hand twitching with the need to reach out and take cheryl’s warm hands into her own, but she resists the urge as cheryl lets out another soft whine, more tears falling while toni bears witness to it all.

“i was afraid you’d leave me.” cheryl’s voice is pitched so damn high, shaking so badly with pain and anguish at the mere thought of toni leaving that the pink haired girl finds herself clenching her fists to stop herself from throwing her arms around her girlfriend because she knows she needs to do what she came here to do.

get cheryl the help she needs.

“it’s not…it’s not normal, cheryl.” toni finally whispers, shaking her head and watching as cheryl’s head snaps up to look at her in complete shock.

“he’s my brother, t.t!” she suddenly chokes out, sobbing loudly with her cheeks wobbling and her body trembling as toni bites back a whine of anguish.

“but he’s gone, cheryl! he’s gone and he’s…he’s not coming back! god, what did you think keeping his body in the basement would do?!” toni shouts before she can stop herself, her voice rising in panic that cheryl’s still somehow not seeing how goddamn wrong this all is-

“i c-couldn’t let him g-go! i c-couldn’t j-just p-put him b-back in the ground, it’s so d-dark and l-lonely th-there!” cheryl manages to get out through her tears, her knees buckling as toni lets out a growl of frustration.

she can’t see…oh god, she can’t see what’s wrong about this-

“god, cheryl, are you listening to yourself?! he’s gone! he’s dead, cheryl! he’s not coming back, do you understand that?! he can’t tell that’s it’s dark and lonely down there because it’s where he belongs!”

the words escape her so harshly, toni barely even recognizes her own voice.

they hit cheryl right in the chest, the redhead stumbling back with a shuddered gasp as the weight of toni’s words hit the both of them.

and toni finds herself staring at her girlfriend in horror before cheryl’s knees buckle completely and toni launches forward, brings cheryl into her arms and holds her close with nothing but regret pounding through her with every loud sob cheryl wails out.

“fuck…fuck, i’m sorry, i’m s-sorry, cheryl! i didn’t m-mean it, i’m…god, i d-didn’t mean to be so insensitive, i j-just…this isn’t normal, it’s not normal, cheryl…and i…” toni trails off, tears falling, heart breaking as cheryl clutches her like a lifeline, sobbing into her chest and clinging to her while every impulse in toni’s brain is telling her to get up and run.

_he’s still down there…_

“i c-can’t, i can’t do this…” toni breathes, eyes closing as the realization washes over her that this is over, her relationship with cheryl is over-

“no! no, pl-please d-don’t leave me! don’t l-leave m-me, toni!” cheryl screams, arms flailing, panic taking her over completely, nails digging into toni’s arms as the pink haired girl grips her just as hard, because she can’t let her go.

she just can’t.

she loves her…

“cheryl…”

“p-please?! please, don’t g-go! just st-stay! stay with me, for me! please!” cheryl begs through a choked out sob, and with the way those words escape cheryl’s chest, toni loses any hope of staying away.

because she loves her. and even if it breaks her-

“okay…okay, i’ll stay, shh…i’m not going anywhere.” toni croaks out, her entire body sagging over cheryl’s as the redhead hiccups and clutches her closer.

“I l-love you, pl-please…please st-stay…”

“i’m here…i’m here, cher, i’m not going anywhere, i promise…”

-

she keeps her promise.

she doesn’t leave.

she stays.

it’s physically and mentally draining, but she stays.

because she loves cheryl no matter what. even if it’s breaking her, she promised she wouldn’t leave.

so she doesn’t.

and over time cheryl finally starts to realize just how much everything is effecting toni.

the first couple days after that horrifying halloween weekend, toni spent a majority of her free time holding cheryl. every time toni tried to bring up jason or suggested getting help it resulted in cheryl panicking and crying for hours. and toni just held her through it, shedding her own tears of sadness at how far gone her girlfriend was.

so that next week toni tried not to bring it up. but she watched her with sad eyes as she snapped back like halloween never happened, once again putting on her facade as if toni doesn’t already know everything.

“cher, you know you don’t have to do that with me.“ toni said one night from their bed as cheryl sat at her vanity doing her nightly routine.

"do what with you t.t.?” she shrugged nonchalantly as she rubbed lotion up and down her arms, looking at toni through the reflection with an innocent smile.

“pretend everything is okay.”

"but everything is okay.”

toni had pursed her lips, her eyebrows pointing down as she had looked at cheryl with nothing but sadness.

"you really believe that?” she had said softly, squinting her eyes to study cheryl’s face.

“yes, don’t you?”

"no!” toni had tilted her head pleadingly, and cheryl’s soft features fell to one of concern and confusion.

“cheryl, none of this is okay. you’re acting like halloween never happened! you’re putting up walls with me like you have been for months! you don’t have to do that baby! just talk to me!”

"THERES NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT!” cheryl had suddenly snapped as she turned around to face her, causing toni to flinch. and cheryl hated that she was looking at her with fear in her eyes.

“i-i’m sorry for snapping.” cheryl said at a much softer volume she stood from her chair and made her way to the bed, she hesitated when she visibly saw toni tense up and swallow hard.

“toni. i’m fine. everything is okay. okay?” she reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear and toni’s breath stuttered as she forced herself to not move away from her touch.

cheryl had smiled softly as she leaned in slowly. she enclosed her lips over toni’s bottom lip gently. they had lingered there but her eyes watered when she didn’t feel toni kiss her back. however, she pulled away with a smile before walking into their en suite, and toni followed her with her eyes with an expression of longing mixed with despondency.

toni didn’t sleep that night. she’d barely gotten any sleep since halloween, actually. and every morning when she heard cheryl sneak out of their bedroom, it made her heart drop. she just knew she was in the basement with jason, and day by day it was breaking toni’s heart more and more.

cheryl was unaware that toni was losing sleep until another week later.

now they were in fourth period, and when the bell rings, signaling it was time for lunch, students stood up from their desks, quickly packing their stuff into their bags and filing out of the classroom. as cheryl’s packing up her stuff, she looks to the back of the classroom where toni’s face is tucked into her arms, resting on her desk.

“toni?” cheryl calls out as she saunters to the back of the classroom.

“toni?” she sing-songs, but the pink haired girl doesn’t move.

“babe.” cheryl places her hand on toni’s shoulder and gently shakes her. toni snaps up with a yelp, her eyes filled with slight panic.

“toni, it’s me.” cheryl places her hand on her cheek and toni draws in a sharp breath as she flinches away from her touch.

“toni?” cheryl whispers, her voice small as her face is stricken with confusion. her touch used to be the thing that always helped calm her down.

“i’m sorry i- i’m just a little tired.” toni rasps out, rubbing her eyes with her hands.

“do you want to get some food? maybe it’ll help wake you up.”

"no i’m fine, i’m not hungry.” toni stands up from her chair abruptly, causing it to scrape loudly on the floor, and she quickly packed her things into her backpack.

“t.t. you’ve barely eaten this past week. come on, i’ll buy you lunch.”

"no that’s okay babe, i- i’m really not hungry. i’m just… i gotta go.” toni swings her backpack over her shoulder and scurries out of the classroom, leaving a distraught cheryl behind. she’s noticed how toni has barely been eating and she definitely didn’t miss the heavy bags under eyes.

_look what you’re doing to her, cheryl._

that night she lays on her side of the bed on her back, and toni lays next to her, her back facing her. she starts to realize that she doesn’t even remember the last time they cuddled each other to sleep. it’s been weeks…

it finally starts to dawn on her that maybe toni is right. maybe things aren’t okay.

“toni. are you awake?” cheryl whispers out into the silent room. there’s no response for a few seconds before she feels toni shift onto her back.

“toni?“

“yeah?”

it’s silent for a few seconds again before cheryl asks-

”when was the last time you slept?”

“what?”

“i can tell you haven’t been sleeping. you’re nodding off in class, and the bags under your eyes are bigger than my prada purse.”

toni sighs loudly as she runs her fingers through her hair.

"i don’t know, four or five days ago.”

"why?” cheryl murmurs, turning her head to look at toni, whose eyes are locked on the ceiling.

“you really don’t know why, cheryl?” toni turns her head to look at cheryl. her mouth is in a straight line and she blinks slowly. toni releases a sigh and averts her eyes back to the ceiling.

“it’s… really hard… to sleep here… knowing that… j-jason is still in the basement. and every time i close my eyes he’s… he’s all i can see.” toni says shakily. although she can’t fall asleep, she’s exhausted and doesn’t have the energy to get into another emotional discussion right now.

but cheryl’s heart breaks at her words. toni can’t eat. she can’t sleep. and it’s all because she can’t let go of jason…

_look what you’re doing to her, cheryl._

“and- and i get it. you love jason more than me, and it’s hard to let go-.”

"that is not true.” cheryl sits up abruptly and looks down at toni, fresh tears stinging her eyes, tears she tries to fight back.

“isn’t it? you chose him over me before i joined the farm. and even now you’re still choosing him over me.” toni sits up as well, mirroring cheryl’s position as the silk red comforter pools around her waist.

“t.t. h-he-“

"he’s gone, cheryl. but i’m right here. i’m here, living and breathing and trying to help you.” toni pleads, a single tear escaping her eye and slowly falling down her cheek.

cheryl wants nothing more than to reach out and wipe it away but she’s afraid she toni will back away from her touch.

“t-toni you- you don’t understand.”

"then help me understand.”

cheryl wants to help her understand. wants to just be able to tell toni everything. just unload it all. but she doesn’t understand it herself. all she knows right now is that she misses her brother and now she has him back and she will do anything to keep him.

"cheryl please. please help me understand so i can help you-.”

"you’ll never understand toni! you’re not in my head so you’ll never understand! you just can’t!”

“cheryl, please calm down. you’re gonna wake up the babies.”

"don’t tell me calm down! YOU CAN’T TAKE JASON FROM ME!” cheryl raises up on her knees, her fists clenched, eyes wide and nostrils flaring.

“cheryl please, you’re scaring me.” toni’s hands are raised in surrender. she looks and sounds smaller than she ever has before. tears are streaming down her face as her chin wobbles. this is a toni that cheryl never wanted to see. at a time she wanted everyone in school to fear her but never toni.

never toni…

_look what you’re doing to her, cheryl._

her facial expression softens as her fists unclench. she lowers down to sit on her heels. she hears the distant wailing of one of twins from down the hall and she gasps as she looks back at the door before turning back to look at toni.

“t-toni. i’m s-sorry.”

without a word, toni throws the covers off of her legs and stands up, quickly making her way out of the room. cheryl calls after her weakly, but when the bedroom door shuts behind her, cheryl slumps back into the bed and covers her face with her hands as she sobs.

toni doesn’t come back to bed that night.

she stays awake, sitting in the rocking chair in the twins’ nursery, watching the twins sleep. these peaceful babies that have no idea of the horrors that are happening in this house. these babies aren’t her blood, but she hopes they never have to grow up and deal with the hard things she’s had to deal with. she wishes that they could just grow up and have a normal childhood without trauma and pain and sorrow. and most importantly she wishes neither of them had to suffer at the hands of the blossom twin curse. she hopes that they could grow up together and have each other for the rest of their lives and never have to deal with losing the other. because what’s happening to her girlfriend right now, it’s breaking her heart.

-

it reaches breaking point three days later.

cheryl wakes up to an empty bed and the sound of soft crying in the next room, and when she glances at her phone, she sees it’s almost six in the morning. she groans and rubs her eyes, the sound of crying echoing out louder the more she comes into consciousness before she throws the covers off herself with a grumble and makes her way towards the twins’ bedroom.

she expects to find toni there, probably carrying whichever twin is crying and trying to nurse them back to sleep, but what she finds instead has her screeching to a halt at the doorway.

the babies are standing in their crib on wobbly legs, small fists gripping the edge of it to hold themselves up as tears fall down their cheeks while toni-

well, toni looks almost like a corpse in the rocking chair, the only sign that she’s alive is the steady rise and fall of her chest with each breath she takes in. juniper and dagwood begin wailing even louder at the sight of cheryl, but still toni doesn’t wake, so deep in sleep from exhaustion that cheryl’s quite sure not even a hurricane could wake her.

cheryl sighs and makes her way over to the crib, lifts both twins out of the crib one at a time and places them on the ground, and while dagwood immediately stops fussing, a grin taking over his face as he begins crawling towards his block of toys beside the crib, juniper lifts her hands, clenches her fists and cries louder, and cheryl smiles and bends down to pick her up once more, cradling her to her chest. juniper gurgles and cuddles into her with a tired huff, and cheryl makes sure dagwood is still in sight before she makes her way over to the rocking chair to wake her girlfriend.

“t.t? wake up, ma cherie…” she runs her fingers through toni’s hair, scratches lightly at her scalp and smiles tenderly when toni hums softly before she stirs. she inhales sharply before she blinks blearily and looks up at cheryl in confusion.

“cher?” she grumbles, and cheryl chuckles and ducks down to kiss her brow, adjusting her hold on juniper as she does.

“good morning. you shouldn’t be sleeping in that chair, toni, it’ll ruin your back.” cheryl chastises gently, smiling as toni seems to slowly come to full consciousness, her eyes landing on juniper in cheryl’s arms before her eyes widen-

and she jumps up, reaching her arms out to take juniper from cheryl’s arms with a clear of her throat and an almost nervous chuckle.

“yeah, must’ve dozed off last night.” she mumbles, smiling down at juniper as her eyes skate over to dagwood to check on him as well.

and at the sight of toni’s worried expression, cheryl feels nothing but anger grow in her heart, her arms crossing over her chest and all traces of happiness erased as she glares at her girlfriend.

“why were you even in here last night, t.t?” she says stonily. toni shifts uncomfortably, almost guiltily as she clears her throat again and shakes her head.

“i was just…watching them.” she rasps out. cheryl’s glare only deepens.

“why?” she deadpans. toni takes a deep breath in, her smile not matching her eyes as she shrugs.

“just because, cheryl.” she says.

and with that answer, something inside cheryl SNAPS.

“because you think i’ll do something to hurt them?” she hisses, anger boiling through her as toni’s eyes widen before she gasps and shakes her head quickly.

“what? no, of course not-.”

“you know what, toni? you can leave, i’d like to spend a moment alone with MY niece and nephew!” cheryl growls, stepping forward to take juniper from toni’s arms, and the pink haired girl almost immediately flinches and steps back, nothing but terror shining in her eyes while cheryl looks at her with nothing but shock.

why is toni so goddamn scared of her? does she truly think cheryl would ever do anything to hurt her or the twins?

“god, why are you so afraid of me?!” cheryl echoes her thoughts, staring at toni with tears in her eyes as the pink haired girl’s bottom lip trembles, her own tears forming.

“do you think i want to be?! i don’t _WANT_ to be scared of you, cheryl, but i’m fucking terrified!” toni exclaims, bending down and placing juniper beside her brother as the two twins look up at them in slight bewilderment at their raised voices.

“why?!” cheryl exclaims, trying her goddamn best not to shout as toni lets out a sigh of frustration mixed with anguish.

“because you’re keeping the dead body of your twin brother in the fucking basement and acting like it’s completely normal and it’s NOT! it’s not, cheryl, how can you not see that this isn’t okay?! _YOU’RE _not okay, you need help-.” toni starts, stepping forward to reach out to touch her girlfriend, but this time, cheryl’s the one to step back, a growl of anger escaping her as she glares at toni almost like she doesn’t even know her anymore.

“what, you think i should be locked away in some madhouse, like i’m crazy?! put in a straitjacket with no escape, just like i was in the sisters of quiet mercy when they tried to torture the gay out of me?!” she hisses, moving her arm out of toni’s reach as the pink haired girl blinks once, twice in surprise, trying to process cheryl’s words before she’s shaking her head furiously.

“n-no, cher-.”

“I’M NOT CRAZY, TONI! AND IF YOU THINK THAT THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST LEAVE! END THIS RELATIONSHIP AND GO!” cheryl screams at the top of her lungs, in disbelief that her own goddamn girlfriend is acting like she’s some insane asylum escapee as the twins both begin crying at the sound of her harsh voice.

toni’s bottom lip trembles, a whimper escaping her as her knees wobble before she’s suddenly falling onto them with a loud cry of her own.

and cheryl stands there, frozen in time, taking in the sight of her niece and nephew crying and wailing while her girlfriend sobs into her hands, her whole body shaking with the very idea of leaving cheryl.

and the full weight of cheryl’s own words hits her, slams into her chest and makes it hard to breathe for a moment while she stares with glazed over eyes at the ruin she’s created before her. 

cheryl has no idea how long she’s standing there, watching the three people she loves more than anything in this world cry over her, but the sound of her phone ringing is what causes her to jump up and finally move, a hand lifting to wipe away the tears that fall down her cheeks as she answers her phone with a shaky voice.

“h-hello?”

_“cheryl? it’s me, betty, i-whoa, what’s going on? why are the twins crying?”_ betty asks with concern dripping from every syllable as cheryl bites down on her bottom lip in hesitation.

“i…i d-don’t-.”

_“cheryl, is everything okay? what’s going on? do you need me to come and take the twins for a bit?”_ betty asks softly, but her words ignite a fury inside the redhead that has her baring her teeth before she replies.

“no! they’re MY niece and nephew!” she growls angrily.

_“i…i know that, cheryl, but they’re also MY niece and nephew, i don’t mind taking them-.”_ betty starts, but cheryl interrupts, the words escaping her like verbal vomit before she can stop them.

“you’re not taking them from me, betty!” she snaps, immediately bending down to the twins in an attempt to calm them down-

“STOP, CHERYL, PLEASE!” toni cries out loudly, lunges forward and almost completely shields the twins from cheryl completely with a loud wail of panic while the redhead looks down at her in shock.

_“God, is that toni?! cheryl, i’m coming over-.”_

“no, you’re not! stay the hell away from us, betty!” cheryl screams, throws her phone across the room and hears it shatter against the wall before she turns to face toni-

and catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror above the crib.

her face is almost beet red with anger, eyes filled with a rage cheryl’s never seen before-

no…she has.

the day of carrie the musical…the day she dumped fake blood all over herself and threatened her mother to leave thistlehouse…a hatred only reserved for the woman who ruined her life, but not…not the woman who saved it…

she’s staring at toni like this? at the twins like this? the three people who bring her so much happiness, so much joy…

_cheryl, what the hell are you doing? you’re scaring them…_

oh God, she’s scaring them…

“i…t-toni…” cheryl says shakily, tears falling as she finally tears her gaze away from herself and looks down at her girlfriend, at the love of her life that she’s been pushing away for months now and God for what?

for a dead corpse in the basement of a brother that’s long gone…

toni was here. toni was alive and breathing and living and so in love with her and cheryl…

_cheryl what the hell are you doing?_

“i’m…t-toni, i’m…i’m s-sorry-.”

“ch-cher…please stop…” toni whispers, clutching the twins close to her chest protectively as the redhead shakes her head and falls down beside her with a loud, choked out sob.

no more madness. no more pain. no more horror.

“i’m sorry! i’m so s-sorry, toni, i…please, look at me? look at me, toni…” cheryl breathes, a shaking hand reaching out to touch toni’s shoulder as the pink haired girl sniffs and looks up at her with bloodshot eyes and a trembling frame hunched over the two babies in her arms.

she’s done this to her…to toni, god of all people, TONI…

“you’re…you’re right. i’m…i’m n-not okay.” cheryl chokes out, fresh tears falling and her heart aching with the realization as toni’s eyes widen, the pain in them so evident even through her tears.

and cheryl decides, right then and there, that she’ll go to the goddamn ends of the earth for this girl who is looking at her with nothing but love in her eyes.

“i didn’t m-mean it…any of it, i d-don’t want you to go! i just…i’m scared, toni, i’m so, so s-scared-.” and somehow, cheryl can’t bring herself to say anything else, words dissolving into choked out sobs as toni wraps one arm around the twins and uses the other to pull cheryl into her, wrapping it around the redhead’s neck and pulling her into her embrace.

“shh…shh, i’m here!” cheryl clutches her close, cries into her shoulder and wraps her free arm around the twins as well, holding the three most important people in her life close to her heart, and coming to terms with the fact that her madness has almost led to her losing them.

jason’s gone…he’s gone and he’s not coming back but they’re here now…

“i’m here…i l-love you, cheryl, let m-me help you through this, please…” toni whispers into her ear, and God, the fact that this girl is willing to stay despite all this madness…

she kept her dead twin brother’s body in the basement…she visited him, regularly, as if it would somehow bring him back, God, what the fuck is wrong with her?

she’s right…she’s right, cheryl, you’re not okay…

“i’ll get help. i promise. just as long as i d-don’t lose you. please, please stay, toni, i’ll get help, i swear.” cheryl promises with everything in her, her grip on toni tightening as the pink haired girl presses a kiss to her temple.

“thank you…thank you, baby, don’t be scared, okay? i’ll be with you every step of the way.” toni says softly.

and cheryl pulls back with a hiccup, looks up at the love of her life with bloodshot eyes as she lets out a shaky breath…

“you promise?” she whispers.

toni tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and gives her a shaky smile, but an affirmative nod.

“i promise.”

-

toni tugs her jacket tighter around her body as the crisp november air blows across the exposed skin of her face. the trees are almost bare of their leaves, the brown, crunchy fallen ones littering the grass.

it’s the first day of thanksgiving break, two weeks since that emotional breakdown in their nursery. two weeks since cheryl finally realized that she wasn’t okay. two weeks since she promised toni that she would get help.

things aren’t back to 100 percent yet. they know it will take some time before they are, but things are getting better.

toni still has trouble sleeping, waking up some nights from nightmares, but cheryl’s been right there to hold her. she still flinched at her touch but then immediately found comfort in it instead of shying away further.

every morning since that morning in the nursery, toni has woken up to cheryl in her arms, and toni felt herself relaxing more and more each day. she knows for a fact that cheryl has not gone down to the basement to see jason, seeing as she stuck to her like glue to ensure that she didn’t.

and sure it was hard for cheryl to quit cold turkey, but toni was there every second of every day helping her through it. reminding her that she was _here._

it’s only been a short period of time but things are getting better.

and now today, as they stand in the private cemetery on the blossom estate, cheryl is preparing to say goodbye to jason one last time.

cheryl shivers and toni wraps her arm around her and rubs up and down her coat clad arm, trying to warm her up a little. they’re looking down into the grave at the closed casket where jason’s corpse has finally been returned.

toni gives cheryl a sad smile and squeezes her arm, making the redhead turn to face her. with her free hand, she wipes the tears off her face.

“whenever you’re ready.”

cheryl sniffles and nods at toni. she leans in and presses a kiss to her damp cheek before she lets her go. she backs away to give cheryl some privacy to say goodbye to jason. she stands far enough away to be out of earshot but close enough to be by her side in a second if she needs her. she figures that whatever cheryl says to jason should be between them.

cheryl stuffs her hands into her coat pocket as she steps closer to the grave, looking down at where her brother lay, cold tears streaming down her face.

“hey j.j. it’s me again. i, uh…” her face scrunches up as more tears flow down her face. she wipes her nose with the back of her hand.

“it’s been… really hard letting you go. for all of my life you were the only person who ever truly cared about me. who always protected me. who loved me for me. b-but…”

she pauses and sniffles again. she wants to look back at toni, but she knows if she does, toni will come running to her side, and she needs to do this alone. this is her first step to healing, and she wants to be strong, not just for toni, or the twins, but for herself.

“but, you’re n-not here anymore. and no matter how hard i try to hold on, the fact is that you’re gone. but i have someone now. someone who truly cares about me. who protects me. who loves me for me. so i have to let you go now. i have to let you rest in peace. you will forever live on in my heart and in your two beautiful babies and that’s enough for me. so, goodbye dear brother. i love you.”

and with those final words, cheryl sobs into her hands, and a couple seconds later she feels herself being turned around and pulled into the warm embrace of her girlfriend. she buries her face into her neck and grips the back of her jacket, and toni just holds her, gently raking her fingers through her hair.

for the next few minutes, cheryl cries. tears of sadness, or relief, or freedom, she doesn’t know. she just needs to let it all out.

“i did it.” cheryl whispers between her sobs. toni places her hands on the sides of cheryl’s face and lifts her up to look into her eyes. tears are flowing down her cheeks, and toni wipes them away with her thumbs.

“and i’m so proud of you.”

“it’s really hard to let him go, but having you here makes it easier. thank you for not leaving me.”

“i meant what i said, cheryl. you’re not alone, not ever again. i’m here, and i’m not going anywhere.”

cheryl nods as her face scrunches up again, now crying for a different reason. because here she was, standing in front of the girl she loves more than anything, and who loves her just the same, after reburying the corpse of her brother who had been locked away in her basement unbeknownst to her.

she understands how traumatizing the past few weeks have been for toni, yet she stayed.

_she’s here, living and breathing and trying to help you._

_she **is **helping you._

“i love you, toni.”

toni leans forward to press a pillow light kiss to her lips, tasting the saltiness of her tears. she pulls away slowly, and their foreheads remain connected.

“i love you, too.” she whispers. a cold chill went up cheryl’s spine and toni giggles.

“come on, let’s go inside.”

-

the fire is crackling in the fireplace. the twins are napping in bassinets on the floor. empty coffee mugs are sitting on the coffee table. toni and cheryl are cuddled on the couch, a thick blanket wrapped around them. toni rakes her fingers through cheryl’s hair as she lays on her chest.

“cher?” toni says softly breaking the peaceful silence. cheryl hums in response.

“have you decided when you are going to see dr. burble?”

she feels cheryl shift before she raises up on her elbow to look down at her. the hand that was raking through her hair moves down to rub up and down her back under the blanket.

“i was actually planning on seeing her first thing monday morning, after the holiday break.”

“okay. okay great.” toni smiles adoringly up at her, so proud of the progress she’s already made before even talking to a counselor.

cheryl opens her mouth as if she’s about to say something, but then closes her mouth and drops her eyes down to toni’s chest as she fiddles with her necklace nervously.

“cher… what is it?” toni asks softly as she gently grips her chin and raises her face up to look into her eyes.

“will you go with me? i- i’m not the only one who needs to speak to someone, babe. you’re still having nightmares.” cheryl says timidly.

toni sighs in realization. all while trying to help cheryl through her trauma, she didn’t realize she was suffering from her own. she still hasn’t fully recovered from finding jason that frightful night of halloween, the image of him still haunting her in her dreams. cheryl’s right, she should also speak to someone.

“of course i’ll go with you, cheryl.”

-

“the loss of your brother must have been tough on you…”

dr. burble’s voice is soft, sympathetic, and it actually lifts cheryl’s lips into a smile as she nods slowly, still slightly fiddling with the sleeves of her shirt from nervousness.

“it was the hardest thing i’ve ever been through. not a day goes by where i don’t miss him dearly.” she whispers. dr. burble smiles, and cheryl watches apprehensively as she scribbles something down in her notes before she lays her pen down with a sigh.

“well, cheryl, i think we’ve made great progress for your first session. i know there’s much more for us to cover-.”

“so much more.” cheryl mumbles, letting out a deep sigh and dropping her gaze down to her feet. they’ve only covered jason’s death today, haven’t even touched on her childhood or her abusive parents, or the fact that jason was murdered by her own father, or the fact that she tried to kill herself after her father did…or her mother throwing her into conversion therapy…the black hood trying to kill her, midge’s death, the farm brainwashing her, keeping jason’s body in the basement…

what a life you’ve led, cheryl blossom. what a life you’ve led…

“mmm, yes, but i think for today, we’ve done well. too much at one time can be overwhelming to say the least…i’d like to see you next week, if that’s okay with you?” dr. burble says, standing from her chair behind her desk and making her way around to cheryl with a comforting smile.

“yes, that’s fine. thank you for listening to me today, dr. burble.”

“of course, cheryl. it’s part of my job, but also part of my passion. i’m glad to help you however i can.” she holds a hand out, which cheryl takes with a sniff before she stands and makes her way to the front door.

the second she opens it, a head of pink hair jumps up from one of the chairs in the waiting room, and cheryl smiles despite her grief at what she’s just spent the last hour talking about as toni runs straight towards her, enveloping her in a tight hug.

“hey! how’d it go?” toni breathes in her ear, rubbing her back comfortingly as cheryl grips the back of her shirt with a shaky sigh.

“yeah…okay, i think.” she says with a nervous chuckle. toni pulls back, brushes her thumb across the apple of her cheekbone and smiles tenderly before leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“i’m so proud of you, cher…” she whispers softly. cheryl feels her heart swell, and with barely any hesitation, she leans forward to kiss toni properly, squeezing the hands in her own as she does before resting her forehead against toni’s with a sigh of content.

“thank you.” she says simply. toni chuckles, but cheryl shakes her head and pulls back to look into toni’s eyes with nothing but sincerity.

“no, not just for this, toni, for…God, for everything. for staying by my s-side, despite everything i’ve done-.”

“hey, no, cheryl…” toni interrupts, shaking her head, taking the redhead’s face into her hands as she does with her eyes ablaze with affection.

“cheryl, i love you. and yes, as insane as everything has been for us lately, i understand why-.” cheryl scoffs at that, and toni sighs before she gives her a wry smile.

“okay…maybe i don’t quite understand, but i promised you, so many goddamn months ago, that you’d never be alone again, and i meant that, cheryl. no matter what happens, i am going to be by your side.” toni says fiercely, not an ounce of insincerity in her voice as cheryl lets out a shaky exhale and nods once.

“i know…and you have no idea how much i love you too, toni, for sticking by me. but i still have to apologize for what happened, for what i did. yelling at you like that, acting like everything was okay, God, you were losing sleep, barely eating, and i just turned a blind eye! and i’m sorry, okay? i’m so sorry, toni.”

the tears fall even more before cheryl can stop them, a sniffle escaping her as toni sighs and leans in to kiss her tear stained cheek.

“i know, baby, i know…” toni rests her forehead against cheryl’s again before lifting her head to press a kiss to her brow.

“i love you.” she whispers against her skin.

“and i love you. now go…it’s your turn.” cheryl breathes, pulling back and nodding behind her towards dr. burble’s office with a sad smile. toni lets out a shaky breath and squares her shoulders before she nods once.

“mmm…i’ll be back.”

“do you want me to come with you?” cheryl offers. toni smiles and squeezes her hand.

“no, i’ll be okay. just like you needed to do this on your own, i do too.”

cheryl simply nods, and toni reaches for the doorknob before she’s twisting it and making her way into the room.

cheryl watches her go with a smile, waits until the door closes behind her before she makes her way towards the seat toni was just sitting in.

they’re not 100 percent. not yet. but they’re taking the steps towards getting there. because they know to each other, they’re worth it.

and cheryl knows that whatever comes next, they’ll make it through.

because for her, toni is it. and as much as her heart will always miss jason, she knows now that there’s someone in her life who can heal those parts of her that need to be healed.

and that’s all she needs to make it through the pain. 


End file.
